Shezza

hello again

2012-01-07T17:31:00.000-08:00

It's been a while my friends.
I have had no words.

More precisely, I have had no words that I can share.

You can forgive a soul for stealing away poems in the night,
or hoarding the occasional beautiful thought.
For fear,
(it is too tender for the world to fawn and paw,)
overtakes me.

But do not worry about the river running dry
or contemplate that the creek has stopped up it's watering hole.

For I have been at work.
Secretly,
Like the shoemaker's pixie.
Sewing and tapping a soul that you can fit perfectly.

And every once in a while you will remember me.
You will take these words in your hands and try them on for size,
finding that they fit you perfectly, like they were made especially with you in mind.

Remember today that there are always delicate secrets afoot.
For the magic is in the revealing.

The Book Of Praise

2011-08-15T10:28:00.000-07:00

I found a small book of praise discarded in a box of give aways.
It fit neatly in my palm as if it were meant to.
Its spine bereft and exposed.
I opened it carefully and spilling from its stale pages the sweetest of music poured, as if the poets of old, vaguely kindred to me, sang their heart songs this dry morning with the same conviction they did the first moment inspired.
And closing its brittle pages, I smiled at my treasure and looked forward to its opening another morning.

The Pronouncement

2011-06-17T11:30:00.001-07:00

I see her every morning
Sitting by the window
The light washing her as a Polaroid still in my memory
I have the feeling she needs to talk
But instead she blends into the whitewash
Avoiding, I walk by her consumed with my own thoughts
Did I turn off the coffee maker?
Where will I go for lunch?
I hope I can slip into my desk unnoticed
But deep down I am avoiding myself

She drives past them Monday to Friday
Huddled like an exotic panic of geese
Their long necks and brown skin
Their dark hair and glassy eyes
They look alone
Cloistered in a cultural prison
Tolerating the uniformity but longing for an escape
She wishes she could sit among them
A beige princess
And offer them a bauble from her kingdom

Every day he joins them
He does it because he should
They laugh and share news worthy clippings of their lives
For him it’s a ritual toe testing of the water
A casual stroll amidst the kiddie pool of social exchanges
Like every day before, he feels an intruder to their party

The dichotomy of us and they is a tiresome thing
For I am always standing just outside the ring
It is a construct of the mind
Embraced by all mankind
Move the boundary stone
I , you, he, she, we, them are just flesh and bone
Longing to be known

the poet awakes

2011-06-03T09:36:00.000-07:00

i cannot but speak the words that form deep within me
they are cloistered for a season
in my innermost being
but without warning they spring forth
like the hardy crocus
reaching out of the cold earth
towards the sun that warms its very core
and if you are one that anticipates the beauty of this wellspring season
and dares to wander among the dead and frozen
you may hear the amarathine voice call out
and surprise you with its vigor and delicacy

Purple Trees

2011-06-03T09:35:00.001-07:00

I was surprised by the purple trees,

But more so by the swell of pride that apprehended,

As the academic pomps and vanities proceeded before me

Among them was but a little child.

In my eyes,

So tender a shoot,

Curly haired of fair skin I remembered.

He smiled in his black cloak of wisdom and stood among the hopefuls.

I saw him dream with his unfurled wings

And I an outsider to this world

Was for a few short hours allowed in to taste the sweet of accomplishment,

Like a stolen kiss.

As I witnessed the spectacle,

My eyes became a fountainhead of the soul

And spilled upon the ground warm droplets of pure joy.

All present heard his name called forth

And struggling for decorum

Joined the assemblage in this corporate mirth.

And how he walked across the stage a man,

It is a mystery to me.

Yet all this beauty and spirit

Beneath the magic of purple trees.

brother hawk

2011-04-25T06:49:00.000-07:00

i saw a great territorial bird
swoop over my head
it was banefully grey against the powdery blue sky
it reminded me of the first time I met
my wheedling brother hawk face to face
i was with my father
we had ventured out to a place we called the top of the world
my petite feet struggling to follow in his oversized steps
i clumsily tripped and scurried like a scared mouse trying to keep up and out of danger
when finally he stopped
i saw the fecundity of prairie woodland open up to the wide expanse of a glacier carved valley
a gentle river snaked it way through the green
it was dusk and a hush had fallen over creation
we stood looking out
each imagining his realm
when above my head I felt the quiet brush of wings
and the whir of feathers
Directly above us as though suspended in midair
the fierce hawk hovered
and as quick as I gasped a breath of air to bring life back to my paralyzed frame
he soared away
with his keen eye looking into my soul
crying,

“Your Face is so Beautiful, and the Sound of Your Words imparts intuitive wisdom. It is so long since this sparrow-hawk has had even a glimpse of water.”

my lion heart swelled in his accolade
and I straightened with a sudden courage and knowledge
my father smiled and said,
he mistook you for a mouse

hedge row

2011-04-23T13:23:00.000-07:00

i worked among the ancient hedge row,
stoic and wild,
some limbs vigerous and strong,
others dead men standing in the resolute positions they expired in,
i cut and pulled,
most gave way with no struggle,
others fought back and even sctatched at my face,
slapping and gouging in a reactive endevour to remain,
i felt like God,
as i wrestled a particularly hardy barbarian,
i named him Jacob
and he would not go easily,
i cut him,
even though he was fresh and green,
knowing it was not a mortal wound,
but a sympathetic bruise,
that would help him grow
in another direction,
tis such a cruel job of death to see the green bud come,
and though the tools be simple,
they are sharp enough
to cut to the quick of the human condition

daylily

2011-04-22T11:14:00.000-07:00

i worked among the lilies,
freeing them from winters rot and decay,
rolling back the tangle of dead tendrils,
with every brutal cut,
exposing the tender shoots to the cool of spring air
and the promise of sunshine,
i felt like God,
caring for the most insignificance of life,
preparing them for the moment they were meant for,
to bloom but for one day,
not lamenting the brevity of their fourishing,
but delighting in the mere existance of such a beauty

2011-04-18T10:17:00.000-07:00

the music woke me
i tried to sleep
but the nocturnal called my name
and i could not close my lids
to the invisible light that stirred me heavenward
all still and quiet about me
but pouring forth like a boiling pot
i wrote until the wee hours of the morning
when finally dry and scorched
i fell beneath sleeps heavy hand
my papers strewn about me
my mind now slack in the comfort of slumber
my spirit quieted for the moment
but ever ready for the calling
when the song is sung
it awakens something i cannot contain

Vissa de Artes

2011-04-17T21:05:00.000-07:00

i went on a journey after reading Patti Smith
the opera singing in my ear as i traveled in the veil of sleep
she took me to the island
and there i walked the streets singing
"I lived for art, I lived for love"
in the pyschodelic splendor
i moved as one among the artists and poets
along the narrow ways
with cigarette smoke and gypsy scarves
wisping all around me in melodic legato
breathing in step with my spirt
i was alive
And now fully present in the waking hour
deep within me cries
"Why, why, Lord,
Why do you reward me thus?"
She gave jewels for the Madonna's mantle,
And I feebly offered my songs for the stars, in heaven,
That shone forth with greater radiance.
and now i sit in the desert ordinary
wiping sand and a lone tear
that escapes the window of my creativity
and i dare not open the book again
for fear i will go back
and wake to find
the platitudinal day bear heavily upon me

Mothering

2011-02-28T10:19:00.001-08:00

I watched a kindred one shine tonight as she told of brushes and line.
Grandmother, mother, artist and woman,
She sang a few bars and glowed in the love,
For all there loved her.
It was clear that the Spirit of the Creator had come to the created.
And we longed to be as her.

I asked in my heart,
Will I one day take to the sky?
A sparrow darting to and fro in careless boheme?

Will I one day bubble up like a spring when now the only movement I feel within my dry earth is the turning of fallow ground?

Will I one day pick up the skirt about my legs and dance again?

I feel like a shadow of myself.

I feel the dark umber of my season form me into oily shadows.

I fear this mothering has diminished me.
It has nursed me into a sketch,
An outline of myself.

But the color is coming.

As the creator works,
his hand paints me to life
The hollow of my cheeks flush and are a map of who I am.

The Spirit of the work was there right from the beginning.
The master knew the portrait long before the masterpiece longed for the revealing.

And so I sit upon the easel,
In the gaze of all the eyes who look at me
Those eyes that endlessly plead with me to move them and teach them
To watch over them and stir them
To spend my tender years
Drying and curing.

Those Eyes that know all things
My dreams and ticking clocks.
And so I submit to this burden and joy

I will stand before them
Like she stood before us babes longing to grow up to be her.

And ready myself for the day I fly
Bubbling over
dancing
In the fullness of life.

The Prayer of Shezbez

2011-01-12T19:57:00.000-08:00

Lord won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz
My future happiness on it depends
Style and taste I have, but money don't last
So Lord while you're at it please send me some cash

Lord won't you buy me some Louis Vouton
I've got a list of wants twenty miles long
There's no harm in asking, there's no harm at all
So how 'bout a free shopping spree at the mall

Lord won't you buy me a house in the hills
With swimming pool, tennis courts, and all of the frills
How 'bout some botox and bon bons and bling
And all of the happiness money can bring

Lord won't you give me a smack on the head
Hey while you're at it make sure it is said
You're not a big Santa, just up in the sky
Pray wisely dear children, My, my, my, oh my!

2010-10-16T15:06:00.000-07:00

a bright ocean sky
an emerald dew drop
a circling army of ancient treefolk
a horseshoe of white lollipops
and some dandy's silver ride:
my rooftop view

2010-10-09T19:26:00.000-07:00

I search for things to say,
little words
stringed together like popcorn,
hoping that one day I will create a garland
so beautiful,
it will crown the greatest of evergreens

I search for images to paint,
splashes of color
pieced together like a puzzle
enlightening even the wisest of man

I scramble for the time
to play out my dreams beneath the stars
too numerous to count,
as my hopes,
where once upon a time begins the truth instead of fancy
and the end marks the zenith of expectation

2010-10-07T10:49:00.000-07:00

sometimes the voice is silenced
we don't know why
but those who feel the restraint of unutterable groans
stoop beneath the burdening weight

when there is prolonged silence the spirit searches
deeper than the shallow nursery pools of youth
it frequents the haunted places
the uninhabitable corners of space
where only those ripened in the sun and schooled in time
find gems among the wreckage and rubble of forgotten and overlooked

when words finally break through the surface of the water
they are poignant
and blessed
for they have swam in the salt reserved for those who have
felt the echo of empty
the sinking and settling of taciturnity

reserved until full with a significant air
they float to the top
not a bloated corpse
but alive
sputtering out the words formed deep within them
coughing for the chance to tell the story
before they return to the silence that will come again like a tide

Blind Bill

2010-03-14T13:09:00.000-07:00

i was watching the blind man

he is clearly not blind

he can see what i do not
he sees sound
swirling around invading every imaginable space:
songs, slights, solace
chatter and chortels
fear, fools, flaws
in a clinking, clacking, clarity

not rumaging around the moonless night,
instead he voyages
moving about the constellations
feeling his way through the riotous resonance
seeing everything i do not

I Was Once

2010-03-10T10:45:00.000-08:00

I was a poet once
greeting the rain as though she were a old friend
letting her laughter trickle down into the warmth of my protection

I was a lover once
lying in the sun with ease
allowing the heat to caress my cheek
with eyes closed in serendipitous rapt

I was a dreamer once
my eyes searching the heavens
for glimmering stars
falling from their places
with deep breathes they jump from their ledges of fear

I was a sage once
aware of the pulsing sensate world
scribbling axioms and cryptic verse
capturing the hallowed in the banal

I was a genius once
creating with voracious appetite
knowing the impermanency of time and space
aware of the drive to forge the raw steel of it all
before the blindness that befalls the blank slate overtakes

2010-02-06T09:16:00.000-08:00

i have found a river
rushing and fierce
clear and meandering

i have found a stone
smooth and heavy
rough and indelicate

i have found a bird
soft and fragile
winged and sacred

i have found a heart
open and familiar
beating and broken

I have found a feast
milk and honey
bread and wine

i have found a savior
righteous and true
faithful and just

My God

2010-02-06T09:11:00.000-08:00

You whisper to me
Am I the only one to hear
Surely not
The truths too great for my small mind to comprehend
Simply revealed
You pour out all you have
In excess
I am overwhelmed
I am over come
You swell
With heaving breathes I drink it in
Gasping for air
I gulp it down
Starving for more yet full to the brim
So full I lay in a stupor
With you smiling
And swirling about my head

You are everywhere

2010-01-09T17:10:00.000-08:00

the colors are warm and moody

the tunes are soul

the company is cultural

my mood is neutral

my hair a curly mess

my attitude strong

yet i feel creativity weak

i need warming up

I'm a lukewarm leftover

not that appetizing

no worries

you just need to ignore the pressure

and flow along like an Italian singer

me Italian

i need to be daring

i need to be original

i need to stop trying

i need to escape the pressure of cool

the pressure of in

the pull of it

it is kind of like riding a bike

putting on an old pair of shoes

seeing your grandmother

you remember who you are and all of a sudden you are yourself again

be a lion

be a savior

be a giant

or a leper you can choose

free verse flows

it allows you to go places that you may be surprised.

like opening up a gift

and finding a snake

or finding an owl

wide eyed and wise

i am surprised by the comfort of solitude

i thought it would sting

but it sooths

i imagine a bell

with dirty engraving

i can't quite make out the words but i can hear it toll

beautiful and clear in the frigid air

i imagine a dog

shaggy and matted

it is a friendly mutt

he slobbers on my pant leg and nudges me for pets

i pat his head

not knowing how loved he really feels

do they ever know how loved they make us feel?

in a perfect world they will know

and there will be no misunderstandings

i image a door

it is a matte yellow color

like corn

it is half open

and i can hear laughter

i want to enter but i don't know if i will be welcomed

are we ever truly welcome?

it seems that questions emerge in the solitude

as i join the ranks of philosophical stragglers

those who lag behind the main stream

that have long before me and will long after muse and question

pondering the ever present just beyond our consciousness

2010-01-08T21:52:00.000-08:00

Sitting in comfort I watch and listen to the lives and conversations around me

I call it poetic voyeurism

It’s not offensive observation

Just taking a concentrated look at the life going on around me

It’s all out there in the open for all to see

You just have to take a moment and notice

I hear that he does not want it to be that kind of friend

I missed him say what kind of friend that is

Shucks

I started paying attention too late

They are talking about Sam

Behind her back

It might as well be in front of her front because it’s nice stuff

I think I would like Sam

I get the vibe that beard boy and boohoo girl are into each other

But they are just too awkward to really let it be known

A beige guy in grey track pants and a grey winter jacket looks noncommittally at a package of tea that is for sale.

He has an alter ego taste for spice

He’s an extra hot chai tazo tea kind of guy

Who knew?

He didn’t fit the bill

I thought he would be a double double Columbian man

Two little boys and a mom in runners enter the scene

Likely stopping off before an appointment and after school for a snack and a coffee

Mommy smiles at her little hooded clones as they dismember an iced snowman, she takes a nibble and off they go to consume more of their day

Oh no. Someone smiled at me. She made direct eye contact and smiled. I think she is onto my peeping. She is sitting with a friend and perhaps her mother. They are cool, well dressed and hungry. They eat and warm their hands on their Grande selections. Double trouble. The mom just smiled at me too. I better leave them alone for a while before I get busted.

Well here comes an entertaining diversion. Mr. Whipped Cream just sauntered in. He has curly leather elf like shoes and sunglasses perched on his head, dark jeans turned up and an earring.

He orders a Carmel macchiato, and iced cappuccino… with……… you guessed it …whipped cream. I called it. I watch him pose and then move out of the place and into a BMW. The car is his mom’s. She is the chauffeur today I guess.

Then in walks the crème de la crème. I shall call her Madame Louis Voutton. I’m guessing a fake but she rocked the look; leather pumps, black suit, red nails, grey leopard top, Persian lamb fur coat. She had it going on. She met and equally well dressed friend, definitely corporate but with a clearly artistic bent. She was busy tapping away on a laptop and chuckling to herself.

Bye for now.

In memory

2009-10-16T05:38:00.000-07:00

Noelle Noelle
You left us too soon
To dance away pain with the man on the moon
With glitter and stardust
You move and you sway
With tears and with sorrow
We remember today.

2009-08-28T14:25:00.000-07:00

no matter how hot the brush fires burn
and the smoke curls its fingers into my hair
with the sweat beading and trickling
the heat searing and scorching the land

i can still breath in the dry heat
reminiscent of the embers deep within

waiting for the wind
waiting for the chance to burn brightly

asha

2009-07-21T15:13:00.000-07:00

we huddled around the makeshift grave:

a small evergreen with a small bluebell entangling the spiny dwarf

a small wood box that fit in your hand sat unmoving at the foot

and red stones arranged by a mother's hand I presumed

four coral tipped roses marked her unlived life to date

and a memory box holding a small teddy bear for the little one

a tissue for the tender hearted

and a candle to remember

to shed some light on the senselessness of it all

completed the shrine

we sprinkled our tobacco

we huddled around as the elders prayed

the sweet grass dancing around us a meandering dirge

purifying the mind, eyes, ears, mouth heart and body of the living

acknowledging the dead

she scattered the ashes

her blonde hair streaking cross her face

as the wind mixed the elements

and the rain washed over in cold pellets

that hurt when they touched our warm skin

but tricked down our chest and shivering legs

i saw asha's ashes speckle the witness' brown leather boots

like powdery grey snow

and then the rain shower erased every trace

in grey riverlets she disappeared into the ground

where ashes are to ashes and dust is to dust

o great spirit he said in his rich deep voice

they sang

but i was not listening

i was watching a mother let go and a spirit leave us

Livia

2009-07-13T09:41:00.000-07:00

a sprightly imp
her eyes dance gypsy
curling lips drawing you into the steps
color and riot are her sisters
and laughter her brother

oh that i could dance this sleepy morning away with jingles and scarves
and fill up my purse with the gold coins of friendship
then contented and full
rest my dizzied head upon her posied lap

I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children.

2009-03-11T20:12:00.000-07:00

i painted with the children on my hands and knees.

green grass.

i sang with them my songs and saw the hope spring up in their flashing eyes and bouncing bodies.

it made me smile and warmed my heart.

I had long forgotten the pleasure of cookies and juice and Jesus stories.

a communion of sorts.

and i welcomed into their midst as an equal celebrating the mystery

in this simple yet poignant way.

just as a child.

2009-02-28T16:29:00.000-08:00

sometimes i can't put away the urge to speak these things

not yell them from the mountain top

to grab the attention of the passerby

but simply to write the story

let the words be said in silence

written down

outside of me

it is like they wrestle in me fighting for a chance to be heard

sometimes too sacred to speak aloud

sometimes just trivial and needing a voice

sometimes angry and violent

sometimes demanding an audience

in silent revelry

to hear the tapping of keys

to feel the words transported onto the page

evaporating from my pulsating humanity

from thoughts into powerful ideas

they are only words

but some how they speak of life and truths that need expression

i can't explain the urge

all i know is that if i do not allow them freedom

they will die chained to the prison of the mind

fighting hard against the cold steal

churning and boiling within

there is catharsis in the end

to close the book and say

it is said

not mattering if any will read or even agree

but some how in the mere saying

it has made me feel alive

it has released the restless spirit inside

longing for the freedom it demands

too those who can just speak it out

i wish i could

but somehow bound by an oath of silence

i write to escape this sentence

i write to defy the order

i write to have my say

i must

or i would die

i write so others can who have no will to write these thoughts

will be free by my saying them

will be affirmed in our shared truth

will live because the words were brought out into the open

saying words without speaking aloud

silencing the voiceless screams

calming fears

healing hurts without a physical touch

yet touching something deep within

all this from a thought given a voice through words

all this from the power of the word

Paul

2009-02-15T15:37:00.000-08:00

This is a poem
its not very long
its all about Paulie
who likes to write songs
he's kind of like bono
he likes to wear shades
just a bit of a rock star
who doesn't get paid

spinning

2008-10-13T21:04:00.000-07:00

she has been clipping along
the garden path
unaware
just mowing down weeds

she has been hiding out
in the shadow of the valley
the longest shadow she has ever seen

she has been content
with a few trinkets in the closet
yet looks for more without any need

she has been present
but
absent minded presently

she wishes she could dance
with the stars
on a moonlit night
without glancing to see
if the old man ever took his eyes off her

she is full
she is consumed by this appetitie
she is eaten up
by this constant desire to fill her plate to overflowing

she needs to learn how to:
centre
to fasten herself to the ground
to touch the earth and make it stop spinning

Andrew

2008-08-08T14:19:00.001-07:00

Andrew one of the sons of thunder
The brother sat at my side
Quiet as a mouse
Subtly his middle name
Twirling a ribbon of chuckles behind the scenes
Always upstaging the last laugh
Pounding his fists against the doors of fifty million
An actor, a dancer, a play the guitar chancer
Strumming and humming his way into my heart

Laura

2008-08-08T14:16:00.000-07:00

Laurels for Laura
A daughter, but a sister to me
Always the voice of wisdom
Whispering in my ear
Singing melodies of life
Questioning and searching
Yet dependable and faithful
She echoes my heart
All teacups and roses
Sugar and spice
Yet strong as the affection that has bound us together

Carolyn

2008-08-08T08:01:00.000-07:00

someone's daughter
she sat beside me
giggling and laughing
spilling her joy into my space
just like her papers and belongings
littering my side of the desk
i didn't mind
because she spread her fragrance
into my zone
moving intermittently
errupting into my order and restraint
dancing between my reserve and aplomb
coloring my summer with pauses and smiles
reflections of delight
and the urge to dance along her side

I miss you

2008-06-09T21:29:00.000-07:00

i never felt the beating of your heart
or had the chance to trace the gentle contour of your face
yet absence will not erase
how i miss you

i speak for you small one without a voice
a life of silent brevity contained within my own
your silence will not quiet
how i miss you

i miss you in springtime when the green bud quivers and the tender leaves hold on in the wind
i miss you in summer's abundant feast
verdant and heaving with life
i miss you as autumn chills the bone and indian summer reminds me that time is short
i miss you when winter's hoary breath makes me die a thousand deaths
reminding me there is a season for every purpose under heaven

i never held the hand that holds my heart
a piece of me taken away to linger in the dust
as ashes go to ashes
how i miss you

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry

2008-05-24T22:45:00.000-07:00

everybody has a story to tell

he told me
as we sat in our corner of the pub
sipping coke and coffee
instead of guinness and cider
eating potato salad and pickles
transported for a few hours from our rainy city

it would make no difference where we were
for if we listened past the rain
beyond the chatter all around and songs in the air
we would find a heartbeat

faint to the undeserving ear
yet driving the lives intercepting with each other
in this moment

seemingly isolated
but moving in time
an opus of exemplum

paul had a lovely day he said smiling

nathan was getting a headache and his vision was blurred she remembered

walter missed the house especially all the friends who visited

barbara was dizzy and had to sit and rest

gweneth's husband left her lonely and her hair fell out

all this they told me freely

he cared for the most notorious criminal in the prison

his foot was run over by a wheelchair and his hand was hurting he narrated

her son and daughter were both divorced

it was likely her son's fault the marriage failed

her grandmother and grandfather never spoke to each other she freely shared

all in a few short hours

all this music
the dirges and jigs

every heart heavy with its sorrows and joys

you just have to listen in order to hear it

wake up sleepy head

2008-05-18T21:48:00.000-07:00

how quickly we stray from the basics
how easy it is to get lazy
to rest on our laurels
forgetting our first love
only to find ourselves
weak and enemic
wandering in circles
on the wide path
miles from the narrow gate
how slow we are to wake up out of the ether
to dust off the web of lies
that bind the truth
not on our hearts but on our backs
like a false burden to bear
a never good enough cross to carry
a not enough seal upon our foreheads
if it were not for grace
we would be lost
it is so easy for us
to accept the pardon
the gift
we are such undeserving company
yet by love a way back has been made
once again we accept your invitation

soyez bravent la petite fille

2008-04-21T18:20:00.000-07:00

joan of arc
as brave as any man
you struggled on your own
and never seemed to win the battle
that raged within you

despite your victories
despite your laurels
martyr and heroine
were you ever satisfied by these honors?

you wrestled with the angel
and never prevailed
you suffered for a new name
when it was all said and done

i'll say it was noble

did you breath in the smoke
and say well done
no regrets
a higher calling i have lead
a legacy to follow?

or did you fear the shadow?
as your demons screamed their final torment
as you surrendered you soul to the fire
only to walk out on the other side
purified
as gold
a saint
in the presence of God
finally at rest

leaving behind...
the shroud of this moral struggle
a heap of ash upon the ground
a reminder of the human condition
a reminder of our frailty
and the soul's quest for justice

...and those who weep

-------

for something beautiful has left us
moved us
called us to stand in the fires of our making

lady of situations

2008-04-02T08:10:00.000-07:00

i saw her standing by the bridge
belladonna
the wind pulling at her hair
rapunzel, rapunzel

she stopped andin her eyes i saw
the contemplation that took but a moment

she leaned over the edge peering into the unknown

if it were not for the obvious cold
and her fear of plunging to the icy depths
and the onslaught of drama that would ensue
the crowds with gawking eyes and rumoured frenzy
she would have soared like a swan
her hair long and sleek in the air

it looked like an endless pool of grey blue
a warm porthole in the frozen wasteland
inviting her for that second to dive into it's current

under the icy crust to the living moving part
deep beneath not touched by winter's season
it was not death she desired but to be reborn
a baptism of sorts
washing her clean
renewing all hidden below the surface of the deep

all in a moment’s meditation
i saw it in her flashing eyes
cerulean as the waves that bid her to come

juno

2008-04-02T07:36:00.000-07:00

not a romantic
but a hopeless sardonic
slinging her wit from the hip
to shoot away the shame
that stood up to take its aim at her heart
hoping to wound her mortally

with ease she maneuvered around the barbs
ducking and diving
with a cool indifference
so incongruent with the gravity of the situation

as if a year would erase the memory
the scar
the reality
the no go zone
she so aptly avoided

i saw through her natural intellect
and quick humor
to the heart of the matter
a beating heart
with life and potential
interrupting her comedy routine

i saw through the jokes and cracks
to the fissure that would divide her body mind and soul
and rent from her the last shred of innocence she struggled to keep

singing in harmony
with the golden olden restored for all intents and purposes
i knew she was acting
I knew she would be a great one
larger than life
iconic to her peers searching for a way out

yet as experience has taught me
I knew it would resurface at another time and place
and then another crisis of comedy would erupt to tame the rousing giant
to rock him back to sleep
to sing him a lullaby
till the memory slumbered once again
and her concious pricked by the taint
would cause her to laugh so hard
she would cry away the thought of it

2008-03-25T19:27:00.000-07:00

For what is a song?
That you carry its tune
To the broken and silent
To the burdened by fear
To the barren and wasted
You pour out desire

You lavish upon them
The choicest of wine
So sweet to the palette
Refreshing the soul
It touches the recess
Of all that was lost

A language of love
In a world full of hate
It moves beyond borders
And stirs above time
It reaches the marrow
Awakens divine

2008-03-19T15:11:00.000-07:00

i know the road is long and you don't have the strength to carry on
the waves they crash and pound upon your back
and leave you breathless

I see your tears are falling to the fallow ground of a heart that's open
new life is coming for you so quick
so fast
so true
don't you know it

i feel the winds of change
they're moving faster than a hurricane
they'll bring a breath of air
that's fresh and clean and you'll be made new
You'll sing a song of liberation
let it shake your core foundation
new life is coming for you so quick
so fast
so true
don't you know it

hosanna

2008-03-16T18:50:00.000-07:00

i have things to say

the words have waited deep inside

eager to take shape through sound and voice

and be given wing

there are songs on my hands

placed there from the moment of my birth

I grasped them in my infancy not knowing their worth or meaning

i held them tightly thinking they were my own

not willing to share or give them away

crushing some in my haste

they were broken and bleeding but because of grace

beauty was found in their truth

but as i have grown i have learned to let them go one by one

strong and mature they soar as they take flight

rising up to the heavens as incense

the more i release them on the breath of the heavens

the more they well up within me

with longing and deep sighing

they desire to soar back to their creator

singing a clarion call

hosanna

23rd Psalm

2008-03-07T15:16:00.000-08:00

shepherd
you have been kind
you have been good

you made me lie down
i did not want to or even feel i needed the rest
but you know what i truly need

I struggled against your staff of stillness
i wrestled to get away but you held me hard
it hurt but it was done in love
for my best interest

i have found a quiet stream
you lead me there though at times i thought it was all of my own making

i am being restored
built back not to my old self but to something new
a better version of myself
a more truthful expression
washed with tears
cleansed with blood
soothed with oil

I chose not the path
but rather stumbled upon it by grace
i can see i am finding my way
following the light
i feebly point for others to follow

the valley was dark
parts of me died
all that was meant to die
did

i clung to you
not fearing the dark but fearing my weakness

yet in the midst of it all i was never alone
correction and boundaries stung each cheek
but made me know that you were real
a kiss on each side

You have prepared a celebration
to mock the mocker
you make me beautiful
and i cannot contain my emotion
I am blessed
all my life
and let me praise you all of my days
forever

Beautiful Girl

2008-03-07T15:14:00.001-08:00

Baby girl....
I put the sunshine in your eyes the day you were born
Don’t let the world take away the light

Little girl...
I made you dance and skip with an open heart of praise
Don’t let the world steal your song

Precious girl...
You are my own and through you I am reflected in shades of grace
Don’t listen to any shadow but only my voice

Beautiful girl....
I crafted you in true perfection and know you by name
Don’t let the mirror tell you otherwise

2008-02-14T19:28:00.000-08:00

take it out i don't need it anymore....
you did...
and i said....
fix what's broken down...
there are too many unsaid things....
moments left...
words waiting....
to just throw it all away....
if i had a choice....
i would have planned different....
made fewer rules....
less roadblocks....
remembered more.....
watched more closely....
listened to him sing.....
and joined in once in a while...
there must be a few more songs left

morning

2008-02-10T05:54:00.000-08:00

she was pulled slowly to consciousness
opening her eyes to the quiet
straining her ears to the darkness

what stirred her from her bed she did not know
what did it matter anyway now that she was fully awake

it was a gift for sure
to steal away in twilight's bubble
rising in the nebulous space
not knowing the precise moment when
daylight and noise would burst her pocket of time
reserved only for those who shake off their slumber
and greet the dawn

goodbyes

2008-01-08T11:02:00.001-08:00

the rooms are always a little colder
always a little quieter
and dark when you leave
always an empty space where you were
leaving us in contemplative silence
awaiting your return

Christmas quiz

2007-12-17T20:49:00.000-08:00

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Gift bags....why create work?

2. Real tree or Artificial? Artificial

3. When do you put up the tree? When I have time...around second week of December.

4. When do you take the tree down? Early January .

5. Do you like eggnog? Not so much.

6. Favourite gift received as a child? rabbit fur earmuffs from my dad

7. Do you have a nativity scene? no

8. Hardest person to buy for? my dad

9. Easiest person to buy for? My mom

10. Worst Christmas gift ever received? movies

11. Mail or email Christmas card? I email to all my email friends and send cards to others.

12. Favourite Christmas Movie? The Snowman

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? In December

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Yes.

15. Favourite thing to eat at Christmas? Stuffing

16. Clear lights or coloured on the tree? Does it matter?

17. Favourite Christmas song? God With Us

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? Depends on the year....I like both

19. Can you name Santa's reindeers? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen Rudolf

20. Do you have an Angel on top or a star? Angel

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas Morning.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? spending frenzy

23. Best thing about Christmas? friends and family

whisper

2007-12-16T14:20:00.001-08:00

i was minding my own business

when he spoke to me

he speaks through the most unlikely people at times

the old man who would not speak showed me he is my brother

the children dancing and padding towards the creche with their gifts shared their naked faith

the moms nursing their babies

the santa man full of love

expressed the intensity of the familial

sean the recovering drug addict seaching for who he is showed me who I am

the guy with the scratching voice and dylan song taught me god uses every saint if you let him

nathan's heart challenges my own

the artists

the creators

they all move me to tears

through them he reminds me

he made me in the secret place but longs to show me great and wonderful things i do not know

with him there are no secrets

i may need more time

2007-12-14T23:08:00.000-08:00

seven minutes to say all that is within me...
i know it is just scratching the surface of the deep open space....
every time i find something new...
it drops from my fingertips....
falling to the surface in one slow dive...
leaving concentric circles...
pushing farther to the unknown...
with an echo that disturbs the serenity of order..
the quiet of safety...
the stillness of ignorance....
lily sang with urgency....
i hear you singing that same tune...
i am training my ear to it...
for it is a foreign tongue to me..
it scratches my ear like a needle on a record...
round and round that static call beckons

a thought or two

2007-12-14T11:14:00.000-08:00

About insecurity.......I am reading this book about U2.....Bono shares about his incredible vulnerability and insecurity......masked by the music....he said for some people they are so secure and believe in themselves and God lets them be doctors or lawyers or other professions. But God knew how empty he was, and how he would need to stand before people and feel their love night after night, even though it is still never enough.

I listened to my CD for the first time in about 5 months......for the first time ever....I listened to the words in a different way and realized how vulnerable and full of doubts I am....It is all over the lyrics...So painfully needing to be carried to the REST of God.

We are a triune being. We have a body, a soul and a spirit. I think that the creative person is so in touch with their soul, the emotions and thoughts, so self aware, it is painful sometimes. Other people who do not have that level of self awareness can just glide through life not feeling the nuance of every interaction. I, however am wide open and every brush or nick I get in day to day life leaves me so vulnerable and insecure. I think the creative, or song writer.......has tapped into the pipeline God uses to speak to man.......words......and song is the universal language that all can understand because it is attached to the soul. Put the vulnerability of the soul with the cutting truth of words and the spirit of God and you have and incredibly powerful medium. That my friends is no longer insecurity.....but Godly confidence.

grrr!

2007-12-11T20:36:00.000-08:00

Girl
relax
relax
really
!

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

2007-11-28T19:58:00.000-08:00

accusations shot back and forth in the courtroom of my mind

i objected out loud

stammering out my defense

stinging from the truth

but i was quickly silenced and warned
"you are in contempt of court"

i stood and listened to the charges

feeling the weight of them bearing down upon me

i knew the verdict even before the judge spoke

i was guilty

the words
please forgive me
rolled off my tongue

and i was acquitted

Kennith Melvin McKean

2007-11-27T19:59:00.000-08:00

father....the word father echos

some wise old prophet guy said that to someone I know once

we laugh about it and shake out hands in mock spiritual ecstasy
planting a firm charismatic hand on the nearest forehead
speaking it forth

father...... the word father echos

the funny thing is

the words do echo

they hang in the air outside of me
surrounding me
kneading away at my suspicion and doubt

they bounce around inside of me
stirring me up
causing an ache deep within that cries
ABBA

the words wake me at night
they sooth me to sleep
or surprise me at rest
and calm me in trouble

how can one so nebulous a character
so shrouded in secrecy
a mere phantom to me

still speak to me and call me daughter
without knowing who I am

or i call him father without ever having the pleasure of sitting on his lap
or falling asleep in his arms
arms supposedly strong.........

like i said..
father....the word father echos

ROAR

2007-11-26T20:27:00.000-08:00

Ruling
Out
All
Reason

lessons from the nursery

2007-11-18T11:53:00.000-08:00

babes in arms
or toddling about the room
sitting contently
or struggling to be still
some crying loudly
bothered by the noise of family
others cooing softly
happy to be loved
secure in the arms of a father
who over and over kissed them on the head
saying without words
i love you

i am peace and wisdom's song

2007-09-26T21:41:00.000-07:00

Selehah
my name is peace she said
i could believe it

she need not speak for me to know it

her dark eyes held secrets
beautiful ones
rich with culture
tradition
standards
much higher than those around me
for a moment i was ashamed that my head was uncovered

but as i listened to her speak
the waiver of her dialect
the soft timbre of her voice
all i knew in that moment
was
i was glad to have met her

seaching the vine

2007-09-23T07:08:00.000-07:00

what could they say
all the words escaped them that day

they may have to learn a new song
or find out it was in them all along

we'll find out in the end
we'll see it they have some new wisdom to lend

diana said it best

2007-09-18T17:15:00.000-07:00

Do you know where you're going to?
Do you like the things that life is showing you
Where are you going to?
Do you know...?

안녕히 계세요

2007-09-15T23:37:00.000-07:00

We drove home that night...
relieved by the revelation...
the vice around our hearts

broke off in a million pieces
and scattered
on the floor

and the words echoed and reverberated
in the deepest chambers of our flesh
building us back
not to our old selves
.............
but to something new

*************************
Father I see that you are drawing a line in the sand
And I want to be standing on your side, holding your hand
So let your kingdom come, let it live in me
This is my prayer, this is my plea

Let the worshippers arise
Let the sons and the daughters sing
I surrender in my all
I surrender to the King

Father I hear it growing louder
The song of your redeemed
As the saints of every nation
Are awakening to sing
From our hearts there comes an anthem
Oh, hear the heavens ring
This is our song, a song to our King!

(PHILLIPS, CRAIG & DEAN - Let The Worshippers Arise)

2007-09-13T23:55:00.001-07:00

late night tonight...
i have been here before...
remembering
and visiting the past...
with a few tears of regret...
and some of joy...
mostly looking back to those days...
and feeling the grain
now so deep a part of who i have become...
some lines penetrate me to my very core...
others are feathered in wispy strokes across my skin
like a KISS
a year ago i would have screamed betrayer...
but now i say friend...
you have served me well...
i am closer to saying goodbye

seasons

2007-08-21T19:03:00.000-07:00

where have all the flowers gone?
asks the fall
not in her glory
but in barrenness
when her leaves lay dead beneath her slender nakedness

when did the birds fly south?
asks the winter's hoary breath
after the snow has settled and the biting cold silences the earth
and the stillness haunts the soul

where is the rest?
asks the spring in the busyness of blossom
where stillness is a memory and the ground heaves
and bursts with the tension of new life

remember the days of struggle?
says the summer as she
basks in the splendour of her time
fragrant, full and verdant in her court
like a queen recollecting she was once a pauper

prayer

2007-07-24T07:45:00.000-07:00

such melancholy swept over the room
sprinkling thoughts heavy with questions
around him
and like the urchin boys in Acapulco bay
their dark skin glistening in the sunlight

he drove into the oily water
searching to find a nugget of truth
but answers eluded him this morning and his hands were left empty

he longed to find each shiny coin
shrouded in the thick of this quiet hour
he knew they were out there somewhere
strewn around him on the floor
waiting to be discovered

quiet thoughts

2007-07-09T12:07:00.000-07:00

i am pretty aware of the stillness
even though around me i hear the roar of cars
the drill of some dusty workman
the general business of life; the cruel taskmaster

but inside i am still for a change
there is so much space
i feel my heartbeat cast off an echo that reverberates
emphasising the stillness

he makes me lie down in green pastures

how can i love and hate it

the paradox of pausing
i hate being idle yet love the solitude

for once
to wonder what to do with myself
to sleep in until the whisperer says you are lazy
to lounge about reading until the accuser tells me I've wasted my day
to ride my bike down woody paths like the heroine in some bohemian novel
noticing grasshoppers bounding across my path
butterflies flitting about in carefree ease
the scent of wildflowers lingering in the breeze
endless blue and green, earth and wood
quiet yet humming with business
a soothing business void of suits, computers and deadlines

when you are still
so still you can feel gravity pull at your heels
so still you are aware of your small place on earth
in the grand scheme of things
when you stop moving long enough to notice you are alive

have you died and gone to heaven
believing the lie
it is hell to be alone with nothing to do

the well

2007-06-25T20:19:00.001-07:00

she remembered the days when water sprung up from the ground
and watered her world

it was effortless
she had tapped into the direct spring
there was abundance all around
green and verdant
never ending
ever sustaining
without measure

but there came a drought in the land
the ground became cracked and hard
the river all but dried up
the sun no longer warmed her as it used to
but now glared down silent and harsh
the heavens were as strong as brass
holding back the rain
and the grass had long withered waiting for the dew that never came

she often remembered the smell of rain
the feel of it on her face
the cool of it on her toes in the morning
the taste in her mouth
and longed for that day once again

but now she had to draw water for herself
every day she dropped her bucket into the dark cool hole in the ground
deeper and deeper she plunged to find only enough to sustain her life
and not a drop more
just enough to keep her breathing
and just enough to give her strength to go to the well
and labourously cast down her hope and pull it back
with her mouth open and craving the few precious drops
her efforts brought

she let them fall on her tongue
her tears were more than the water
and the salty drops turned bitter on her lips

it never seemed enough to her
yet she lived
she dreamt of the days of past
she wept for those days
she savored the few precious drops that came
and every day looked to the sky
scouring the horizon for the first hint of rain

some days she had no strength at all to draw water
and she would lay in a heap
understanding the words of David
when in the wilderness he cried

O God, You are my God;
At dawn I search for you.
My soul thirsts for you.
My body longs for you in a dry,
parched land where there is no water.

and somehow
when even her tears had run out
and dried in saltly riverlets on her cheeks
she would rise up to draw water once again

singing softly to herself
deeper in the well i will draw strength
closer to you heart i will cling

and she did

rebecca

2007-06-21T19:47:00.000-07:00

she said it was the happiest day of her life
with all sincerity
her hair pulled back from her face and piled up in a ponytail
like a feather duster on the top of her head
she stood clutching her bag with eyes smiling
shuffling with glee

my companions and I laughed with her in her mirth
drawn into her innocence
enjoying her "on the sleeve" declaration
in all of its simplicity and openness

i wished that i could see the joy once again
as she did

to giggle unabashed with anticipation
delighting in the simple fancies
that surround me daily
waiting to bless and excite the senses
long dulled by maturity
etiquette and expectation

to say without shame

i love this moment

and what a beautiful moment it is
to be alive
so alive that i buzz with an energy that cannot be contained
the kind that spills over onto others and makes them know life
as an immediate moment by moment adventure waiting to be enjoyed to the fullest

The absolute truth

2007-06-20T22:05:00.000-07:00

he came into the meeting defensive
as if he suspected me to be out to get him
he shook my hand
and i said nice to meet you
but really i thought he was quite disagreeable
and i would have rather met someone else
who it really was a pleasure to meet
someone with an open face
smiling
giving evidence of an equally open heart

all those present seemed to be diminished because of him
it left us all feeling squashed and aware of the closed feeling of the space

he sat cross legged
visibly arrested by my information
i gave it as professionally as i could
i stated the facts
i reminded them all present of the previous agreement
and how that was breached

the people pleaser in me
made me say the right things
in a damage control way
to mop up the emotional mess that truth typically can leave in its wake
it didn't help and i regretted my insecurity

my truth was volleyed immediately back as accusation
and i let the hard ball bounce in my court and hit the wall
it lost energy and rolled to a stop out there on the floor between us

i tried a few more attempts to work up another serve
to put a new ball in play
but no one wanted to play

I thanked them for coming and we all went home bothered
we were bothered by truth
different truths
mine
theirs
his
how can there be so many truths?
each one right?

Monday Afternoon Sabbath

2007-06-18T14:33:00.000-07:00

sometimes i rush home
like pac-man in the maze
just to unlock my door and lock it again tight
to leave my day behind
and sit in the quiet of my window to the city
there i lounge in my chair
the laptop warm on my legs
above the cars honking their horns
away from the crazy rush hour traffic
that pours out of the downtown like ants out of an anthill
frenzied yet ordered
above the pedestrians rushing to their late afternoon appointments
or the beggar who keeps a whole other time, strolling along, his eyes always looking for opportunity
as he makes his way to his favorite bench along the river,
i close my eyes and hear the clock rock back and forth
as if its rhythms are are trying to coax me into some kind of blissful rest
above the craziness
i find that sliver of sunlight
and like a cat i curl up in your rays and enjoy your rest

2007-06-07T20:35:00.000-07:00

sometimes for no reason at all
inside i feel stirred up like a cup of coffee
swirling in circles
thousands of molecules bumping against each other
all hot and bothered
while you just move me round and round

other times i feel as quiet as a cat in a window
soaking up the sun
lounging around with no cares
flicking my tail
just because
i am content
in your light

now and again i get restless
longing to run outside these walls
all alone

but i am surrounded by you
your songs exploding in my ears
driving me
pushing me
flooding through my veins like
a surge of excess adrenalin

it takes a lot of running to quiet that noise
to reach the point where i am out of breath
sucking in huge gasps
feeling that cold air at the back of my throat
and deep down in my chest

then it happens

when i am spent

at that point between sleep and awake

when i least expect you

creeping around on the edge of consciousness

you say my name
and i know who i am
and there is no need to run anymore

The Blue Night

2007-05-28T20:29:00.001-07:00

well,
here we are again,

just me and you
against the dark sky

lit only with the glow
from the buildings across the street
reaching up to something
as high as they can
shedding their light

slick and cold in the damp night

but not me
for i am warm and content

happy in the moment

not bothered and fussed
by some insignificant disturbance

but settled and calm
reaching up to something
as high as i can go

tall and warm in this beautiful blue

Creation's Song

2007-05-20T13:18:00.000-07:00

You woke the dawn, in majesty bright

Piercing the darkness, with glorious light

Creating heaven, speaking forth earth

Threshold of mankind, now given birth

Stars in their places, sun set to shine

Displaying wonders of glory divine

Pale be the moon, in vastness of space

Echos of your never ending grace

All you created, perfect sublime

From the foundation, Beginning of time

Hovering waiting, Spirit and Lord

Builder and maker, wholly adored

Fashioned by hand, taken from the clay

Motionless , lifeless at your feet we lay

Waiting and longing, needing your breath

Saving us from the power of death

Universe blending, working as one

All praising the Father, Spirit and Son

Anticipating your great return

Total redemption, our spirits yearn

from the heart

2007-05-14T20:58:00.000-07:00

restoration sang her song tonight

it was a weepy, truly vulnerable tune

beautiful even it its naked
unguarded way

she soared on high notes only the angels knew of

and few have ever trained the ear to hear

but once they have
they never forget

and then with out fear she took the listener to the depths of her deep

those who went along, wept with her

moved by spirit
touched by her courage
faith rising

they were grateful to have heard her song
and now as they left her

her melody remained in them

worn out

2007-05-11T22:09:00.000-07:00

i'm a wee bit tired
too much singing
not enough sleep

red light

2007-05-07T21:21:00.000-07:00

i smiled at her from the safety of my car

the window tightly sealed

me confined behind the glass

her exposed to the elements

i was watching her sit where she usually does

a little intoxicated

huddled together with her friends

not making any trouble

but just outside enjoying the calm night and warm air

then she, with the soft face,

met my eyes

she was laughing a happy "i see you looking at me laugh"

and i felt no shame

or need to look away

connected for those 10 seconds

our grins grew wider

and i shrugged and blinked back my friendly greeting

hello sister

then as quick as it happened, the light turned green

and my driver put the pedal down

and back she went to her world

and me to mine

probably never to meet again

but forever connected by those smiles

sunshine

2007-05-04T15:44:00.001-07:00

it is a rainy day
and it made me think of you
and remember us

you tucked away in your room listening to music

the house warm and comforting

and everyone else just hanging around too

each in their own space

being comfortable with themselves and the rain

I read a poem....it was about a lover, but it made me think of God................

2007-05-04T15:09:00.000-07:00

alba
as cool as the pale wet leaves
of the lily of the valley
she lay beside me in the dawn
-ezra pound

gone is the dawn that left me breathless
here in the now i can sense you still
rain or shine you light my world up
never a moment with out your love

cause i feel like laughing and singing out
i've got a melody in my heart
i know that nothing can bring me down

I've got you, you're all I need
no matter what circumstances come my way
I've got you, so come what may
i know in my heart that i can make it through
cause i've got you

2007-05-02T14:59:00.000-07:00

i am breathing

in and out

long and deep

rising and falling

in waves

the visceral rhythm

transforming

my disquiet and dread

into

esoteric energy

infinite one

2007-04-29T17:09:00.000-07:00

your ways are higher than mine
higher than mine
oh great mystery

your thoughts are deeper than mine
deeper than mine
immeasureable

without beginning or end
your wisdom and knowledge oh God
unsearchable are your ways
your paths beyond tracing out

infinite one
father and spirit and son
from you and through you
unto you are all things made

infinite one
the depth of your knowledge oh God
to you be glory
wisdom and power forever

Amen

new song

2007-04-28T13:31:00.000-07:00

Drip drop went the water
Tick tock went the black clock on the wall
Bang went the swinging door
I turned around said I’ll be back no more

I have reached the bottom
I have no more rope to climb
Can you feel the pressure
Pulsing through my rhyme

Gonna let go
Gonna blow off
There’s no more yesterday
Gonna release
Gonna exchange
All that is in me
Something’s got to give
That’s just the way it is

Boom bang revelation
It hit me hard right in the face
Rattling my senses
I shook my head and did a double take

I’m scratching the surface
I know I am onto something big
I don’t have to live here
I am born again a child of the king

Gonna rebuild
Gonna transform
All that’s broken down

Gonna take back
Gonna lay hold
And stand on solid ground
Somethings got to change
I won’t remain the same

Good bye to you
I won’t be missing you no tears will fall from these eyes
Good bye we’re through
Out with the old and now its in with the new
Good bye so long
Hello sunshine, blue sky, better days are in view
Good bye to you
The old is gone
The new has come

the power of words

2007-04-26T22:15:00.000-07:00

i saw a woman get stabbed today

there was no blood
just major trauma to the heart

she cried a bit
but mostly tried to hide the fact
that she had some internal injuries

most rushed to the scene of the crime
trying to clean up the mess and help her get back on her feet
others hid in the shadows
a little uncomfortable with all the drama and gore
maybe in shock themselves
or not knowing how to help

i thought
she may walk with a limp because of this
for the rest of her life

or on the brighter side
i hoped she would make a fast recovery
and brush it of like a minor flesh wound
soon to heal with a little air and TLC

only time will tell

i went home thinking about that girl
wishing i could have done something to protect her
to help her more than just offering her a few bandages

but yet
in the safety of my bed
as i closed my eyes to stop the sirens in my head
reminding me of the scene

i remembered

that every heart knows its own sorrow
and all healing comes in its perfect time
and he promised that he will bind up the broken hearted
and as i drift off to sleep

i know he will

sudan

2007-04-21T09:01:00.000-07:00

there is a whole other world out there
far beyond
anti aging creams, Lexus and mercedes,
fancy clothes for each season,
leisure and the sexual revolution

wake up people to what the world is really about

the so called riches of pop culture
tarnish and crumble
under the weight of
decades of atrocities
ethnic cleaning or
dare i say genocide

a continent far beyond our borders
as i speak
heaves with blood
groans with sorrow
too grievous to mention
so our government says

when all the while
we hear of paris and all her
gucci clad cronies instead

marking our consciousness
molding our values
impacting our lives

since when did value depend on designer labels
or those worth saving
have to be of skin as white as lilies
or of faith that echoes our own
or at least those who try to act and look the way that is acceptable

our way

our way has become a crooked and perverse way
God help us
forgive us for being fat and lazy
too full to move from our couches
even when we are starving for something real
something to sustain us and give us purpose
we stay here filling our face with cake
when all along you have called us to the banqueting table of the nations
not to gorge on their spoils
but to serve them

2007-04-18T16:56:00.000-07:00

So carry me
I'm just a dead man
Lying on the carpet
Can't find a heartbeat
Make me breathe
I wanna be a new man
Tired of the old one
Out with the old plan
-jars of clay

prayers

2007-04-16T19:02:00.000-07:00

it returns
as if it had the right
to just walk back in
any time it feels like it
like an old friend who has the privilege

does it not know that i am wearied by its pestering
niggling at my side
ever present
just at the edge of my consciousness

right now its just an irritation
gnawing on the bone of my contention
but i fear its revenge
i worry it will make up for lost time
and overtake me
once again

drive me crazy
until i run out of gas
incense me until i am insane
bug me until i am buggered
reeking havoc until i am wrecked

i speak out these fears as a prayer
for lord you know i am settled only
by exposing the inner processes of my life
through words tapped out in prayers

i read them over and over again
sometimes like a forgetful old man who is reintroduced daily to the face in the mirror

other-times i read them to remind myself
that no one else may read them or hear these complaints and musings

but you do

and because of you

i am known
and i know who i am

2007-04-15T19:55:00.000-07:00

sometimes i busy myself so much
that i miss out on what i really want to do

my time gets eaten up with stuff
that has no eternal value
and i am left wondering why i have accomplished nothing

we all have the same amount of time

some use it better
some value it more than i obviously do
some just seem to know how to use every second
every moment making it bow its knee to the divine

help me do that Lord

spend my talent wisely
invest it
in a way that you will say
well done

clam man

2007-04-14T09:50:00.000-07:00

there once was a man named Clam
to look at, he was oh so glam
he was a bit sweaty
don't let him to sit on your setee
but you love him he's part of fam

You 'll kiss him in spite
he's just so polite
you'll be his best girl
quite the catch, he's a pearl
he ranks up there with turkish delight

(sorry about that last rhyme,,,,,, cause there are not a lot of good rhymes with spite :()

2007-04-12T22:45:00.000-07:00

sometimes i like Alone

not sad Alone
the one that cries

or angry Alone
the one that is at odds with those that bump against her in the jostling of life

i like the one that is at peace with the world around her
not needing words or touch
just time to be comfortable in her skin
to listen deeply
to hear the calm and quiet
beating out its pattern in her chest

Alone..... she is made strong
Alone...... she is content
Alone...... she is allowed to rest and recreate herself
being Alone depends on her mood

i like this one

2007-04-09T10:49:00.000-07:00

see the invisible,
he said to me this morning,

a paradox really,

for how can i see with my naked eye
that which is only discerned by spirit,
witnessed though faith,
known by unction,

sometimes i i think i see clearly,

it s a rare moment to gaze with open sky,
but as quickly as i break through
doubt clouds

more often i search through the murky waters grasping after something,
feeling around until i touch something I recognize,
when i find it,i hold on tightly
but once again, like wet soap it slips out of my hands
and leaves me groping around on my hands and knees

i realized i have learned to see with my eyes closed

i have relied on feeling and touch,
my ears and my wiles to compensate for my poor sight

but once
just once
let me know beyond any shadow of doubt
i see clearly

2007-04-07T12:54:00.000-07:00

i am poured out
i need time to rest
time to sleep
time to soak in more
so i can pour it out again
goodnight

i was wondering Lord.......

2007-04-04T20:44:00.000-07:00

do you like the electric guitar licks
especially when the guitar guy jumps on the last beat like bon jovi
doe that make you feel loved

when we sway and toss our hair like american idols
does it bring honor to you

when we rock out and pull the people
and get them all frenzied in the moment
what does your still small voice say

when the bass is in the groove, all fat and loud
and we all make that "oh yah were feeling it" look on our faces
what are we feeling

when we are in the pocket with the crash crashing and the snare snapping
dressed like a rock star, striking our poses
do you feel ministered too

When we sing all of the songs about us
and a few about you
do you get jealous

at the end when we say adeui
carry our intruments off to the next gig
walking throught the crowd happy to be noticed
where are you in all of that

we say its for you
I guess i've always wondered whether you like it or not?

snowglobe moment

2007-04-02T16:29:00.000-07:00

i went hungry today and noticed the softness of the snow falling
i'd never seen it so beautiful before
swirling like endless cotton candy
melting like manna on the ground after its purpose had been served
i stood at the window like a kid
lapping it up
letting it fall around me
and past me
listening for it to tell me secrets
to show me truths
i knew deep down within me all along
but was to fat to feel it
let me hunger for it
shake me again
turn me upside down
and let it fall around me
in perpetual motion
satisfiying my craving

2007-04-01T19:08:00.000-07:00

gracias senorita
he said
smiling and passing me the pollo

i went home smirking and laughing to my self
thinkin
you're so sweeta
chiquita bonita
you still make the boys weep
with your brown eyes
you turn up the heat

lilith

2007-03-31T15:32:00.000-07:00

anger seethes just below the surface
i have been able to hide it well
from expectant eyes

waiting to be my judge and jury
watching for a slip

but now with out warning
it seeps from its hiding place
exposing my heart with all of its contradictions

to my surprise
i have found it was there all along
in the recesses of my orderly life

but now without care for appearances
it shows up unannounced
like those awkward guests
at the most important events

i barely acknowledge she is there but
true to her obtrusive ways
she make yourself known
much to my embarrassment and shame

leave me alone you scaly, slithering vice
and let me be
for i do not like this side of me

“Break, break, break, On thy cold gray stones, O sea! And I would that my tongue could utter The thoughts that arise in me”

2007-03-22T21:38:00.000-07:00

how fragile we are
so easily crushed
so easy to believe the lie we are alone

how needy we are
so aware of our shortcomings
so longing for the redemption of our souls

so is woman

tossed like the sea
strong and magnetic
angry and fierce
calm and placid
it is her prerogative

a mystery to men who long to sail her depths
lured by her maiden eyes
captivated by her vastness
she swells and heaves

swimming in her femininity

2007-03-22T21:14:00.000-07:00

i faced the wailing wall tonight
it had been white washed clean
but as i looked at the blank slate
i saw the dead man's tomb it really was

full of jealousy
disdain and judgement
hurt and vices to many to name

at first i saw only my sin
ugly and stark upon the wall

but with each stroke of the brush
as my soul longed for color
the great red streaks concealed the barrenness

how could this color so maroon and morose
wash away the stain

thick and living it buried the surface
falling deep into the cracks and imperfections
it silenced each cry against me
every accusation
every truth that was barred for all to read

it simply covered
the wailing in my ear

silenced
by the blood red stain

the irish club

2007-03-21T20:43:00.000-07:00

they straggle in
one by one
it is a weekly pilgrimage of sorts
each heart carrying its own sorrows and joy
they sit in their little tribes
altos here
sopranos there
the basses and the tenors
each staking out their territories
separate and distinct they learn to come together
to make a sound even the irish banshee would long to sing
a song of togetherness
it is hard to meld and yield
all so different
but with deference to each other
they learn to walk as one
to listen and hear the corporate voice
golden and rich like the treasure at the end of a rainbow
it helps to know that they can wash-it all down
at the end of the night
with friends and a well pulled pint of guinness
which every-time makes the heart warm and spirits raised
and like a calf in spring they will skip home and stagger back
each week for
the same familiar cup of community
served up the way they like it

come and worship

2007-03-20T18:43:00.000-07:00

can you separate me from the song?
is it even necessary?
to cut bone and marrow
and wound so deep
i ask with all sincerity?
will i even know myself
without a tune or melody to hold up the edges?
who is that girl
the mute one?
will i love her the same
or hate her for her silence?
would you take me as i am
without a voice
without my words
just stripped back to nothing
like my first breath?
would that be enough for you?
is it truly enough?
to just be yours
to sit in your presence
with no fanfare or announcement?

what a deep and worshipful place this is.....

josie

2007-03-19T17:06:00.000-07:00

josie blackburn is my friend
she lives in the room i have made
where imagination keeps her happy and free
from the sting of my gentle taunts
lovingly uttered to still my own prejudices
she speaks with a sing songy lilt and has a sense of humor
that keeps me laughing
and makes me want to know her more
her brown eyes bore into my soul
she asks me questions and does not judge my answers
she helps me get to know that other side of me
the one I am afraid of sometimes
ashamed of even
she is my friend

demolition

2007-03-18T13:08:00.000-07:00

rumaging rumaging
we break off pieces that look perfectly good
absolutley functional
and well put together
its a ruthless endevor
not for the faint hearted
i couldn't help but thinking
how hard the work was to build it
and now with much the same effort
i tear it down
piece by piece
nail by nail
it struck me
that we build up and tear down all our lives
it is the blueprint of life

deeply beautiful

2007-03-17T14:36:00.000-07:00

let your hair down he said
let it fall down
your back no questions

let your words be what ya said
no worries...
let them hang like blossoms

show me all that's in your heart
no judgement
can ya feel it move ya
round and round and round and round
again

till there's nothing in the air to cause you shame

what's in your head girl he said
share your secrets
open up feel free now

have you held your lucky star
feel the heat now
providence is calling

don't you know that all that bright
and glitters
may not be what you think
beauty's often more that what's skin deep

it will find you when your guard is half asleep

it will move you to that
little piece of heaven

ya its true

that little peice of heaven
says
there is something deeply beautiful in you

prayers of a son

2007-03-15T18:17:00.000-07:00

she cried a crazy kind of love
the kind that breaks your heart and gets your hands dirty
it's like he has ganged up on me
pulled all the stops
and now like water through his fingers
i fall to the ground
squeezed out like lemon
sour to those with more discerning tastes
but nourishment to those who hunger and thirst
he has begun his work
i can feel it move through my veins
and eat my flesh
i have resisted one bite at a time
but now reduced to skin and bones
i love him more
and his causes move me
beyond
the limits that have held me back

what's on her mind

2007-03-14T15:38:00.000-07:00

ignatia sighed deeply
she mourned for south africa

for the settlements
homeless homelands
compliments of our english and dutch brothers

she grieved for the children sleeping in culverts
growing up without families of blood
but instead
bloodied by order and class
dancing to the frenzied beat of ghetto rap
the pulse of the disenfranchized

she wept for the women wearing laughing colours
to hide that fact that they were dying from aids
and rape
hunger
and hopelessness

africa
when will you be free
when will you dance again
like a bird

i am free thought ignatia
but then realized
that her compassion imprisoned her
she was a slave to this fever

what could she do
so far away and small a voice

she waited

she waited for her moment to sing.........
AND her voice to shake the ground
and break the chains
to unlock the prison
for the jailer to be saved
and the captives set free

sing ignatia sing
the time is now