The sleeping gyspy

i am finding it hard to think straight
in strong linear lines
instead i circle in and out of the rules
making things up as i go
mainly because i can't remember what i was supposed to think or know
in the first place

i am finding it hard to be in control
in my typical together fashion
instead i am crashing and burning bridges
like a pyro with a menacing drive that has taken over
i can feel the heat of the flames

i am finding it hard to maintain my decorum
to laugh when it is appropriate
to cry when i am supposed to
to be in charge when i have lost the current
to stand up when i am flat out tired


i am finding it hard to walk that thin line of ingenuity
it borders insanity
i have been told it is a bad place
a lonely place
to be in touch with the great unknown
without having a hand to hold
a least i have a hand to hold
says the sleeping gypsy

Worship

I watched a video last night of delirious and Hillsong worshiping together.
i know that worship is not about big sound, cool guys, amazing technical shows
but wow does it ever help.
There i said it, my flesh reaction to it, cannot be denied.

But beyond that there was something else I saw.
Something else that struck a chord so deep inside me that left me reverberating for hours.
There expression left me very aware of God.
As i watched them open their hearts and express their love
it was contagious
all i wanted to do was join them and say i know what you are saying
i love him too
there is no other friend
his grace has found me just as i am
empty handed
but alive
i am with you
we are family

i knew where we were...they had lead me into his presence.

Vulnerabilities

i have noticed that people don't want to be vulnerable
by people am am saying me
but i'll say we to deflect the attention from my transparency
we apologize for our tears
we make excuses for our sensitivities
we explain away our so called emotional outbursts
why?
is it wrong to be real
is it wrong to be weak
is it wrong to be human
are we not just that
just dirt mixed with spirit
just frail humanity
with a spark of life
who are we trying to kid?
or am i just ahead of the curve?

EL CONDOR PASA

I'd rather be a poet than a brain
Yes I would, if I could, I surely would

I could sleep in and call it regenerating
rather than be labeled a lazy scholar

a poet can ramble on incoherently
they call you deep

if I were an intellet they'd call me crazy
and say I'd lost my focus

instead I muse and rove without retribution
I go only where my heart takes me
its a good life

When I sow confusion I gain man's praise
while my brainy friends reap yawns and bad reviews

I can be late and call it writer's block

I can wear mismatched clothes in the name of aetistic expression

I can paint
beauty in word
art in ideas
expression in fragments of prose

I am wordsmith with no boundaries
a penman with a purpose
a writer writing frantically to make sense out of a senseless world
sometimes finding order and line
but often left seaching
always feeling it is just beyong my grasp

I'd rather fly free than crawl around for an answser

I'd rather be a hammer than a nail
Yes I would, if I only could, I surely would

Away, I'd rather sail away
Like a swan that's here and gone
A man gets tied up to the ground
He gives the world its saddest sound
Its saddest sound

I'd rather be a forest than a street
Yes I would, if I could, I surely would
I'd rather feel the earth beneath my feet
Yes I would, if I only could, I surely would

when they roll their eyes

you are so serious they charge

as if it were that simple

don't they know how hard it is to be tortured of soul
to be the rain in every parade
to beat the drum and march to the tune alone
with no one to say hey i like that beat



to be aware of every social nuance
to laugh when no one gets it
to get the pun when there wasn't one
and pretend things are okay when all along i really know what's going down
to hear the pain in someones laugh
to see the empty place behind the eyes
to be so self aware you get shy and embararred of your own company

you are so serious they charge

as if it were that simple

you can't hide your crying eyes

grief pushes me towards heaven
"upward, upward" I hear him calling
yet i'm falling fast on my knees
the ground is hard and the sky so far away
he makes me cry

compassion stirs up emotion
as if I were an instant cup of coffee
jolting me to feel something in a moment where there was nothing before
he spills me over and makes no apologies

peace is river
he knows no boundaries
meandering here and there and where ever he likes
his freespirit pulls the tears from my eyes
they fall in line and join him in his vagabond way

rest is a welcome friend
he knows i am weak and comes just in time
sometimes he brings joy with him
they make me laugh so hard that i cry

i cry love is the one i love
he is quiet and strong
fierce yet tender
complexity surrounds him
truth comes from him
he is everything
he is everywhere i cry